Prologue

"No candles?  Well, I brought one.  It's extra flamey."

Tara stared at Willow, shifted her eyes to the candle, then back to Willow before motioning for her to come in.  She took the candle, feeling it's heat seep into her cold fingers, concentrating on staring at the flickering light.

"Tara, I have to tell you-"

"No, I understand.  You have to be with the person you l-love."

Tara couldn't bring herself to look up from the candle but if she had she would have seen Willow's face light up in a smile.

"I am."

Tara nearly jumped as the loud, grating, obnoxious voice of her boss broke into her reverie.  A surly thought flashed through Tara's head before she could prevent it.

Yeah, if I got paid for daydreaming a different ending to that night I wouldn't need to work for you, asshole. Aloud she said:

"Sorry Mr. Hammond."

"Just get back to work."

Asshole, Tara thought again. And if I could think of another name for you you'd be that too.

Tara felt she was perfectly justified in taking the occasional daydream break.  Here she was spending the summer between her freshman and sophomore years of college clearing tables at the Sunnydale outlet of The Espresso Pump for minimum wage.  It had only been about a month since Willow had unceremoniously ripped her heart out when Oz came back.  She'd imagined a different ending to that night a million times since then.  Her favourite was the extra-flamey candle scenario.  It was definitely better than the real I-still-love-Oz-but-I'd-really-like-to-stay-friends scenario.  She'd really thought she and Willow had something.  More than the witchcraft connection.  But Willow clearly didn't think so.

Tara knew staying friends would be the toughest part.  That was why she'd been avoiding Willow like the plague.  She saw her around sometimes, with him, and at least she looked happy.  That did a little to ease her pain but there was only so much anything could do when there was a giant Willow-shaped hole in her heart.  Tara was even beginning to wish she'd gone home for the summer.  Spending some time with her family almost seemed preferable to hanging around Sunnydale, standing the chance running into Willow, or one of Willow's friends.

Speak of the devil...

Willow, Oz, Xander and Buffy had all just appeared at the entrance to the coffee house.  Tara briefly wondered where Riley was and then just as quickly realized she didn't really care that much.  She could guess what they were here for.  It was one of the nights when Giles would play.  She couldn't imagine they were all that interested in hearing him sing - though Tara had learned in her weeks working there that he was really good.  They had probably told Oz about it and he had wanted to see for himself.

Careful Willow...last time he got interested in another musician he was fucking them the next day.  And Giles really sets my Gaydar off.

It was weird.  She had never said or even thought things like this before.  Willow had helped her gain her confidence and, ironically, Willow's leaving her had helped even more in that regard.  Her shyness was just the fear of what people thought of her after all and, since Willow, she no longer really cared about that.  Or much of anything else.

Suddenly realizing that she had been staring Tara looked down at the table she was clearing, just in time to miss Willow look up at her with a kind of melancholy expression on her face.

"If it helps at all," came a voice from behind Tara suddenly, "I think she'd have been happier with you."

Tara whirled around sharply, narrowly avoiding dropping the tray of coffee mugs she was holding.

"W-w-what?" she asked, frowning.

"The little redhead," said the voice, which Tara could now see belonged to a pretty brunette about her own age, sitting at the counter.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Tara replied hotly, brushing past the girl on her way to the next cluttered table.

"Sure you do," the girl asserted, in a vaguely annoying way.

Exasperated, Tara turned to the other girl again.  "What...why...who are you?"

"The name's Anya,"  the girl said.  "Pleased to meet you."

Part One

Tara walked quietly and quickly through the dark streets of Sunnydale.  This wasn't exactly what she would have called safe.  She was staying at the Sunnydale Motor Inn because that was the only place in town that she could afford with her measly wage from the coffee-house.  So, on her way back there every night she had to face the prospect of both vampires and sleazy assholes who seemed to frequent this area of town who would either want to rob her, rape her or both.  A month ago, Tara wouldn't have come to this part of town alone for all the world.  Now she was living there.

How things can change in just a month.

Gradually, although she was busy looking at her feet as she walked, Tara became aware of a set of footsteps shadowing her own.  Her heart thumping in her ears, she quickened slightly, and then quickened more when her shadow's footsteps matched her pace.  Suddenly gripped by an uncontrollable fear Tara began to run, looking behind her as she did.  Unfortunately this meant she couldn't see where she was running and she immediately collided with a bulky form in her path.

"Hey, sugar.  Where's a sweet thing like you hurrying to?"

Tara turned to face the man (or demon, she wasn't sure which yet) who now was holding her arms securely.

"I'm s-sorry-" she began, but the words caught in her throat as the man's face twisted into its true demonic form.

That answers that question.

Tara closed her eyes, waiting for the vampire's fangs to reach her throat.  Her last thought was to hope that Willow felt a little bit guilty when the cops found her body.  Then she felt guilty for being so malicious.  Just as soon as she felt that, she argued to herself that if she was about to die she would let herself think what she wanted.  Eventually she started to wonder why she still had time for all these thoughts and began to wonder what was taking the damn vamp so long.

Tara opened her eyes and instead of a snarling vampire looking to suck her blood she found a slightly flustered looking Anya, a stake still poised for action in her hand and a small pile of dust at her feet.

"Anya!  W-w-what...what are you doing here?"

Anya tucked the stake back into her jacket pocket.

"You should get home," she said, neatly avoiding the question.  "Never know what you might run into out here at night."

With that she turned and began to walk back the way Tara had come.  Stunned, Tara just stood for a moment before turning around and beginning to call out for Anya...

...but she had disappeared into the dark.

Tara stood looking at the empty street for a second before she took Anya's advice and started to hurry back to her room.  It may not have been pretty, but at least it was safe.

A quick hop, skip and dimensional jump away, Anya - or Anyanka as she was known on this plane - was resting.  Being in mortal form was draining and she'd had to hold it for longer than expected this time.  Who knew Tara would be so hard to contact?  She'd found her almost the second she got into the town of course.  Anyanka was a vengeance demon after all and vengeance demons found their targets by following pain.  If you looked at it from that perspective, Tara was a big flashing red dot with an arrow saying 'heart-broken' pointing at her.  But it wasn't until tonight that she'd managed to talk to Tara.  It hadn't gone too well at first, but the night ended with Anya saving Tara's life so on balance she was happy with it.

D'Hoffryn himself had put her onto this quest.  He had told her that Tara had been run over by this little redhead - Birch, or Oak, or something like that - and that he wanted to make sure that Anyanka took care of this one personally.  The full story was that he'd offered this redhead a job as a vengeance demon a few months previously and she'd turned him down.  The redhead had herself been run over by some guy at the time and was practising some pretty powerful magicks.  D'Hoffryn had been philosophical about it all, although he had sensed a great deal of power in the redhead and had badly wanted her on his side.  Then he'd found Tara.  Another witch.  To cut a long story short, he wanted her.  And he wanted Anyanka to get her.

Part Two

It had been three days since the incident with the vampire.  Tara still couldn't believe that Anya had saved her.  And she'd been so casual about it.  Did she do that kind of thing a lot?  No, that was stupid...Buffy was the Slayer, she knew that much and there was no way a normal human could take on vampires regularly and hold their own.  She knew the Scoobies did it but they had Slayer backup.

What a stupid nickname.  I'm better off out of that group.

Tara had become quite adept at kidding herself.

Still, bravado or no bravado, Tara was getting worried about Anya.  Now that she thought about it, she remembered seeing Anya in the Espresso Pump night after night before they had actually spoken.  Now it had been three whole days without an appearance.

"Tara?" Said a voice behind her.

Anya?  No...I'd know that voice anywhere...

"Willow," she replied, turning to face the redhead but not looking her in the eyes.

There was an awkward silence for a moment.  Tara could see Willow wringing her hands together.

"I was just wondering...I mean I saw you working here and I wondered if you'd maybe like to...get a cup of coffee or...something?" Willow finished, forcing a hopeful smile onto her face.

"Um..." Tara began.  It had to be said...if there was one thing she wanted to do less than have coffee with Willow, she couldn't think of it.  She began casting about, desperately looking for an excuse - any excuse - to get out of this situation.  She found one when her eyes drifted over to the entrance to the coffee house. Anya! she thought. I've never been happier to see another person in my whole life.

"Actually," Tara continued, pulling off her apron and tossing it behind the counter, "I'm already meeting someone."

"Oh," Willow said, clearly surprised.  "Well...um...some other time?"

"Sure," said Tara, already making her way past Willow and towards the brunette at the door.

Willow watched the two girls leave together, a frown creasing her forehead.

"Sure."

"So, explain again why we had to leave?"

Anya and Tara were wondering along Main Street.  Tara was kicking a small pebble along as she walked.

"Because Willow (kick) suddenly decided (kick) that after weeks (kick) and weeks (kick) of us avoiding each other (kick) that now (kick) would be a good time (kick) for coffee (kick.)"

With that the pebble went bounding along ahead of them at great speed, eventually hitting a wall somewhere up ahead and shattering into a few hundred pieces.

"Besides," Tara continued, "I want to talk to you about the other night."

"Oh," said Anya, smiling a little nervously as she sat on the bench Tara had pointed out.  She hadn't really been thinking when she'd saved Tara from the vamp, so she'd had to spend the last few days in her demon dimension not only re-energising but also thinking of a plausible explanation for her behaviour.

There was an uncomfortable silence which could have lasted anywhere between ten seconds and an hour.

"Were you following me?" Tara blurted out suddenly.  She remembered the footsteps shadowing her, a tiny tinge of fear leaping up unbidden at the memory.

Anya turned to her in her best sheepish face.

"Yeah...that was me."

"Oh," said Tara.  Then:  "why?"

"I was just...well, I mean I've lived in Sunnydale my whole life and I'm not stupid, I know what's out here...and well, you seemed a little pre-occupied so I just...wanted to make sure you were safe..." Anya finished lamely.

She swore she had a better story all worked out but for some reason that had come out.

"Why do you care?" Tara said after a moment.  "I mean, you don't even know me."

Anya frowned and looked at her hands then back up at Tara.

"I like you," she said.  "Haven't you ever met someone and just liked them straight away?  Like you can sense something about them and you just...know..."

("Besides...spells going awry, friends in danger...I'm definitely nothing special."

"No, you are.")

"I have," Tara replied softly.  Anya began to smile tentatively.  "I'm not saying you're one of those people though," Tara added immediately.  "I mean lets review here - you barge into my life, make comments about my relationships when you've known me for a total of two seconds, then you start following me like some kind of stalker?  You do see why I might be lacking in trust here right?"

Anya frowned and pursed her lips thoughtfully.  "Hmm...I guess you could look at it that way.  Or you could say...I saw you looking unhappy and since I seem to have a complete inability to keep my mouth shut most of the time," Anya smiled wryly at this, "and since I've already said I like you...I was trying to make you feel better in my own way...and as for the stalker thing...well you can complain all you want about that but you have to admit that if I hadn't been there you'd be fang-food now."

Tara sat back, taking this in silently.  When it looked like she wasn't going to respond anytime soon Anya sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"Okay...I admit I didn't make the best of first impressions...even discounting the whole life-saving thing, but...you're here now aren't you?  Just give me a chance, okay?  I know I can make a better first impression second time round."

Tara did laugh at that and Anya breathed a sigh of relief.

"Okay," Tara said eventually.  "It's not like I'm overly endowed with friends right now after all."

"Me too," Anya flashed Tara a thin smile.  "I sort of lost touch with my old buddies after..."  She trailed off.

"What?" Tara gently prompted.

"Never mind," Anya said quickly.  Then, with a small self depreciating smile she added, "Mucho depressing.  Maybe if I make a good second impression I'll tell you someday."

"Maybe," Tara answered with a grin.  "So.  You wanna get something to eat?"

"So, after months and months and months of dancing around it my girlfriend and I were finally going to...you know...'do the deed' as it were and just as we were getting into a very compromising position my mom walks in the door with a laundry basket in her hands."

Tara's eyes widened slightly.  They were in Tara's dingy motel room, eating chinese food (which Anya had insisted on paying for) out of the box.  Somehow they had got to telling ex-girlfriend stories, even though Tara had made it clear she didn't want to talk about Willow.  Still, Anya had enough stories for the both of them, despite there being only one serious girlfriend in there.  Tara figured they'd had a long and interesting relationship...she envied her a little, but at the same time was glad of the distraction the funny little stories were bringing her.

"What did she do?" Tara asked, enthralled.

"She put the basket down next to my drawers, pointed to the pile of clothes scattered around the room and asked if I wanted those done next.  Needless to say that kind of killed the moment."

"God," Tara said, laughing.  "I'd have just died!"

"Well, I thought about it," said Anya, grinning widely.  This set Tara off into another fit of giggles.

"Thank you," Tara said after a couple of minutes' comfortable silence.

"For what?"

"Just...I mean, this has been good...hanging out with you, I mean.  I haven't exactly been a social animal since..."  She trailed off, suddenly losing her good mood.

"I'm sorry" Anya said softly.

"Huh?"

"I mean, thinking about her..."  She trailed off, trying to choose her words carefully so as not to scare the other girl off.  "You seem so sad.  It makes me sad too...I hate that she hurt you so much."

Touched, Tara smiled a small smile and took Anya's hand.

"That's probably the nicest thing a near stranger has ever said to me."  Anya grinned back at her.

"I aim to please, milady."  Tara was giggling again as Anya released her hand and unclasped the necklace she was wearing around her neck.

"Here," she said, slipping it around Tara's neck.  "A good luck charm, to keep the bad thoughts away."

"Oh, Anya," Tara gasped, studying the pendant.  "I couldn't, really, I-"

("Oh no, Tara!  That's really sweet.  I can't, it's like a family heirloom.  I just wouldn't feel comfortable.")

"I mean...thanks.  Thanks a lot."

Anya smiled softly at her and Tara somehow found herself smiling back.

"Was this how you managed to stake that vamp so easily?" she asked, gesturing to the necklace.  "Luck?"

"Oh no," Anya replied, blushing a little.  "I was scared out of my mind.  I saw it attacking you and...well, I always carry a cross and stake around for protection...and I just reacted.  It was pretty dumb actually, but...well, I couldn't exactly let him have you now could I?"

"I'm certainly pretty pleased about that." Tara grinned.

"Besides," Anya continued, grinning.  "I've never been one to back down from showing off to a pretty girl."

"Anya!" Tara exclaimed after a moment of stupefied silence.  "Are you...f-flirting with me?"

"Maybe a little," Anya replied, suddenly worried she'd pushed her luck.  "Is that okay?"

"Oh yes...I m-mean...I don't m-mind, it's just...it's never really h-happened before."

"Really!" Anya exclaimed, surprised.  "What about Willow?"

Tara slumped against the headboard of her bed.

"Willow...I don't even know what she feels...felt about me.  I mean maybe I was just projecting, you know?  She is straight after all."  She let out a self depreciating laugh.  "I fell in love with a straight girl...which may I add is just typical of my kind of luck."

"That's what the necklace is for," Anya pointed out impishly.  Tara smiled down at the pendant she was absentmindedly playing with.

"I wish..." she began quietly.  Anya tensed.  This was it.

"What?" she whispered tensely when Tara failed to elaborate.

"Huh?" Tara looked as if she had forgotten Anya was there.  "Oh...nothing...never mind."  She smiled reassuringly.  "You want a soda or something?"

"Sure," Anya sighed, trying hard to keep the disappointment off her face.

Part Three

Later that night Anya made her way through Restfield Cemetery, quietly fuming.  A second later, she was fuming loudly.

"Aaarghh!" she yelled suddenly.  "What is it with these damn humans???!!!"

The empty graveyard gave her no answers.

She'd just spent practically the whole night in Tara's motel room, her nice normal human mask firmly in place, hanging out with the blonde witch.  Usually Anya wouldn't have to do much work on her assignments...either she would be summoned or she would just be in the right place at the right time.  Either way it never took much prodding to get the scorned women to turn on their ex lovers.  She'd seen it a million times over the centuries - first came the love and sex and then there was nothing left but the vengeance.  Of course, Tara had sort of missed out on the sex part but that surely didn't mean she'd give up on the vengeance too?

"A whole night," Anya grumbled.  "Having to act all sweet and friendly...even pretending I was attracted to the girl which is just 'Ugh' - I mean really, a human?  And where does it get me?  Stuck in this damn dimension with my power source around Tara's neck right now!"

Her plan had been to gain Tara's trust and then steer the conversation round to exes.  That would surely get Tara to make her wish...which would hopefully involve some kind of terrible rash or plague of boils or something to make the redhead see what an idiot she had been to dump Tara.  Instead Tara had seemed like the idea of hurting Willow had never even crossed her mind which was - Anya knew without a doubt, having been around for 1000 years - a practically unheard of phenomenon.  Even the nicest of people, when hurt, feel an urge to hurt back.  It was only natural...even if it was only a subconscious reaction it was always there.

Not this time.  Or if it was, Anyanka - the most experienced vengeance demon around - couldn't find it.

"And now I'm stuck here until she makes a wish.  Just perfect."

Anya's power source was contained in the necklace and it was what enabled her to grant the wishes of others as well as jump between the dimensions.  If Tara kept it without making a wish then Anya would be stuck here - demon in human form - essentially forever.  There was only one solution.  She had to convince Tara to make that wish.  She considered what she knew of Tara from the night they'd spent together.

"I'm royally screwed."

Eventually she spotted the crypt she was headed for and darted inside.  It had suddenly occurred to her that without the power source she could be killed and that a cemetery on a hellmouth at night was not the best place to be if one wanted to avoid that particular eventuality.

Kneeling down hastily Anya drew a rough circle in the dust.  She closed her eyes, settled herself, and began to chant.

"Blessed be the name of D'Hoffryn.  Let this space be now a gateway to the world of Arashmaharr where demons are spawned-"

"Why have you summoned me Anyanka?!"

Anya jumped up and span round to face her demon master.

"I...I didn't finish the chant..."

"You didn't need to."

"Good, because I don't really remember the rest."

D'Hoffryn did the demon equivalent of raising an eyebrow.

"Hey, come on, it has been a thousand years!"

"Anyanka," he sighed, "you are testing my patience."

"Oh, right.  There's a problem...with Tara."

"Oh?"

"There's something we hadn't considered.."  She paused for effect.  "She's a really nice person."

D'Hoffryn eyed his favourite vengeance demon.

"Not vengeance demon material?"

"Not wish material period.  I mean I've met hundreds of thousands of scorned women in my time and I can count on the fingers of one human hand the amount who weren't interested in vengeance.  You can add Tara to that list."

"It is...unfortunate," D'Hoffryn understated.  "Her magic is strong.  And her pain is like a scream that pierces dimensional walls.  She could have been a fine vengeance demon, given the proper circumstances."

"Yeah, well there ya go."

"Very well," D'Hoffryn continued as if she had not spoken.  "Your assignment is over.  You may return to Arashmaharr with me."

Anya suddenly developed a profound fascination with her shoes.

"What is the problem, Anyanka?"

"I...em...may have...sort have...given my power source to Tara."

"I see," said D'Hoffryn calmly.  That was the thing about D'Hoffryn.  He never got angry or upset or pissed off like other demons.  It was damned annoying actually and Anyanka had destroyed more than a few villages after unemotional run-ins with him, out of pure frustration.

"You will have to convince her to make a wish."

"I told you, she's not the type for-"

"Not necessarily a vengeance wish.  You have the power to grant any wish.  The first one she makes, grant it.  Then return to Arashmaharr."

"As you wish, D'Hoffryn," Anya replied in as meek a tone as she could manage.

"I will give you one piece of advice, Anyanka.  The longer you spend on this plane without your power source the more human you will become.  I do not mean physically.  I mean you will start to feel like one of them.  It happened to one of the vengeance demons before you.  She lost her power source and was forced to live forever in a human body with human feelings.  I believe she was eventually driven insane..."

Anya's eyes widened - she'd known giving Tara her power source had been a mistake but she'd had no idea how much of a mistake.

"So I urge you, Anyanka, to conduct your business on this plane quickly."

Anya didn't need to be told twice.

Part Four

The music was loud, oppressively loud even, and the severe lack of talent of the band was doing nothing to ease Willow's bad mood induced headache.

I remember when she'd drop everything to hang out with me, she thought bitterly.  Since when was I less important than some coffee-house girl?

Willow conveniently ignored the little voice which was snidely pointing out:  Uh, since you dumped her, dumbass.

She was at the Bronze with Oz, Buffy and Xander.  An outsider could have been forgiven for thinking they were looking at a scene from one year in the past, so familiar was the sight of the Scooby Core at their favourite table.  Inside the group however, there was a distinct air of tension, mostly centred around Willow and Oz.  They had so recently got back together, it was a little weird for the gang, hanging out like nothing had happened.

"Wow...so Faith actually switched bodies with you?"

They had been catching Oz up on all the little things he had missed on his round the world tour.

"Yeah - God it was so freaky.  I don't even wanna think about what she was doing in here."  Buffy stopped and got a weird look on her face, followed by a blush.  "Eew.  Anyway, Willow and Tara made the de-switcheroo thingemeybob and..."

Buffy trailed off, noticing the look of extreme discomfort which had suddenly appeared on Willow's face.

"Oh....Will, I didn't mean-"

"No," Willow interrupted holding her hand up in a 'stop' gesture.  "Tara and I are still friends."

("Of course we'll be friends!  That's not even a question!")

"You're allowed to say her name," Willow said, feeling unsure about the first part of her assertion immediately. If we're still friends then why haven't we spoken for more than thirty seconds in the last month?

"Yeah," Oz added.  "She should...hang out with us sometime."

"Yeah," Xander piped in, smiling at Willow sympathetically.

"Sometime soon," Buffy said in a decisive tone.

Willow added a look of slight sadness to her look of complete discomfort adding up to a pretty weird expression.

"Yeah...I'll, uh, ask her."

The group lapsed into a terribly long, tense and uncomfortable silence.

"Don't be silly," her companion replied, taking a bite out of her own food.  "I've got money, you don't and this way I get to spend time with you."

Tara smiled at Anya warmly.  "So you're actually paying for my time, huh?"  She took a sip of her soda.

"Yes.  Think of yourself as a time-hooker."

Tara worked hard at keeping her soda inside her mouth, swallowed carefully, blushed, and then said, "Warn me if you're going to do that again, okay?  I don't think I want to be drinking while we talk in the future."

"Oh...yes...that was funny...a joke...hahahaha," Anya said, smiling widely.

Tara frowned, then shook it off with a grin.

"Has anyone ever told you you're really weird?"

"Some women find that appealing."

Women like me, Tara thought guiltily. She's so cute sometimes.  And sweet and considerate and she always has time for me and I think I really, really like her.  Two months after I lose Willow and I'm already falling in like with another girl.

"Is something wrong?"  Anya asked softly.

"Huh?  Oh!  No...just thinking."

"About Willow."  Anya sounded about a third sympathetic, a third jealous and a third annoyed.

"No!" Tara replied, about half a second too quickly.  "I was actually thinking about you."

"Huh...so you're saying thinking about me normally makes you look like someone just killed your puppy?"

Tara looked indignant.  "I did not look like that."

Anya raised an eyebrow.

"I did not!"

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Hey," a male voice shouted.  "Could you girls keep the school yard stuff down?  I'm trying to to talk to my girlfriend here."

Tara and Anya looked over to a table a few feet away where a young man in serious need of a crash course in hair care was talking to a blonde girl.

"Sorry," Tara mouthed at him, blushing profusely.  Anya just fixed him with a stare which seemed to say: If I was feeling myself right now I'd do something horrible involving your testicles, a vat of boiling olive oil and a pair of tweezers.  The boy squirmed and looked away, surreptitiously covering his crotch with a napkin.

Anya turned back to Tara.  "Now...what the hell were we talking about?"

"Um..." Tara didn't think it was wise to remind Anya of the more recent turn the conversation had taken so she mentally rewound a couple of minutes.  "Money."

"Oh yes," Anya replied.  "Now, money I like.  Actually, I like it better than most people."

"Yes," Tara interrupted with a grin.  "People can so rarely be exchanged for goods and/or services."

"Well...not without setting up your own slave operation and really, who has time for that these days.  Now back in the twelfth century, well..."

Anya trailed off and got a faraway look in her eye that made Tara slightly uncomfortable...like she was imagining what it was like back then...or...and she told herself how stupid this was the second the thought entered her mind...maybe even remembering...

"You know, I'm sure you weren't this weird when we first met," Tara said, trying to steer her mind away from such silly notions.

"You're right.  The point I was trying to make though, many moons ago before all these interruptions was as follows."  She paused, making sure she had Tara's full attention.  Tara graciously sat up very straight and made an 'all ears' type gesture.

"As much as I like money...I like you even more so, if I want to spend my cash on you then you'll just have to let me.  Understood?"

Tara saluted.  "Ma'am, yes ma'am!"

Anya sighed.  "And you call me weird."

Part Five

"So, are you going to talk to her or what?"

Anya reached for a sandwich from their picnic basket as she spoke.  If anyone had told her a month ago that today she would be having a picnic with Tara she'd have laughed in their face.  Well...that wasn't quite true, in fact.  She'd be more likely to have eviscerated them, then laughed at their mutilated remains.  But that was beside the point.  The point was, if she ever wanted to get back to a situation where she had the power to eviscerate someone on sight (and god, what a thrill that used to be) she would need to stick to Tara - and by extension her power source which, as far as Anya could tell, had not been off her neck since the night she had been given it - like glue.

Of course, if she got really desperate she could always take the necklace back.  But she worked for D'Hoffryn.  Her boss was a firm believer in the idea that just because one was a demon, didn't mean one shouldn't behave in an honourable fashion.  Or bail on one's assignments.  Anyanka had been sent to get a wish from Tara and she'd be drummed out of Arashmaharr for good if she failed.  Hence the nightly visits to the movies, dinners and talking sessions she had partaken of with Tara in the last several weeks.  She felt she knew the blonde girl pretty well by now...so why the hell wasn't her strategy working?  Didn't this girl want anything?  Didn't she have dreams?  If she did she was keeping them under lock and key.

"Talk to who?" Tara asked, taking a bite out of her own sandwich.

"Willow," Anya drawled, as if she was talking to a very small and exceptionally slow child.

"Oh her," Tara said off-handedly.  "Why would I want to do that?"

"Hmm...maybe because she's been sitting over there staring at us for the last fifteen minutes."

"Yes," replied Tara, a note of anger appearing in her voice as she looked over at the redhead.  "She has hasn't she?"  She looked back at Anya and smiled.  "But I'm here with you aren't I?"

Anya's face transformed into an expression of slow surprise...a pleasant surprise, of course.  She even began to blush a little, a situation only intensified when Tara grabbed her hand and began to trace slow patterns on the back of it.  A sudden rush of...something...went through her, followed by a wave of dizziness so severe that she had to put both hands on the ground to steady herself.

"Anya?" Tara said, concerned.

"I'm okay...just tired I guess."

Anya watched as a devious expression appeared on Tara's face.  The blonde flicked her eyes over to Willow, then back to Anya.  She smiled almost evilly.

"What?"  Anya demanded.  "You're plotting something aren't you?"

"Maybe."  Anya raised an eyebrow.  "Okay, okay," Tara relented.  "I was just thinking...since she's looking at us...what do you say we give her something to look at?"

Anya frowned.  "What do you mean?"

Tara blushed a little, as if only now realizing what she was suggesting.  Then she glanced over at Willow again and steeled herself.

Leaning forward, Tara took Anya's face between her palms.  She moved her lips closer to Anya's, then stopped, waiting for Anya's approval before completing the move's natural progression.  In the end it was Anya who closed the space, kissing Tara with a fervour which surprised her more than anyone.

It felt like a long time before they parted, and even longer before they stopped staring at each other and looked around.  Tara noted with a brief flush of triumph that Willow was gone.  This was followed by a flash of guilt which she tried to shake off but, for some reason, couldn't.

Anya also noted that Willow was gone but unlike Tara, didn't really care.  She flashed her vengeance demon look at some of the other people in the park who were staring.  A couple of cardboard cut-out dumb Jocks scurried off rather quickly when fixed with Anya's icy glare.

"Wow," Anya breathed after she turned her attention back to Tara.

"You can say that again," Tara giggled.

"I can?  Oh great.  In that case - wow."

Tara smiled and Anya smiled back, if only to mask the fact that inside she was one part on fire and one part utterly terrified.

What, she thought desperately, is happening to me?

Willow finished by throwing her hands up in the air, side-stepping just in time to avoid the vampire that Buffy had accidentally thrown in her direction during the fight she was having.  Stunned, the vamp started to get up before meeting the business end of Mr. Pointy and turning to dust.

"Will, it's been ages since you got back with Oz and this new girl has only been around for what?  A month or so?  Don't you think you're over-reacting a little here?"  Buffy said as she slipped Mr.  Pointy back into her leather jacket pocket.

"Over-reacting!  How can you say that?  I'm reacting just enough!  Seriously, Buffy, you haven't seen the way this girl looks at her."

"And how's that?"

Willow was suddenly quiet and looked at her shoes as they walked.

"Let me guess - the same way you used to look at her."

Willow began to look more and more uncomfortable.  She considered lying for a nano-second and then decided that if she couldn't talk to her best friend then she was in serious trouble.

"The same way I still look at her, Buffy."

The statement sat in the still night air for a moment while Buffy tried to digest it.

"Will...are you trying to tell me you still have feelings for Tara?"

"Oh God," Willow scrunched up her face in preparation for the tears she knew were coming.  Buffy stopped walking and grasped her friend's shoulders.

"Willow," she said, restraining herself from shaking her friend to her senses.

"I think," Willow began eventually," that I've made a terrible mistake."

Part Six

Anya knelt in the sacred circle, chanting for all she was worth.  D'Hoffryn wasn't answering.  Why wasn't D'Hoffryn answering?  It hadn't been that long had it?  She was trying her best to get back to Arashmaharr - now when she needed him most, D'Hoffryn wouldn't even answer her chants!

"Damn it!"

Anya felt like tearing out her hair.  All these insidious human emotions, creeping around under her skin.  She recognized it now.  That fluttering in her chest when Tara moved to kiss her.  That was a feeling.  She remembered feeling it once...over a thousand years ago, as a human.  Everything was happening just as D'Hoffryn had warned her.

"Driven insane...driven insane!  You can say that again!" Anya screamed, scuffing the circle and storming out of the crypt.

"Do you want anything?  Chocolate?  Hankies?  Chocolate?"

Willow smiled at her babbling friend and shook her head.  Curling into a foetal position on Buffy's bed, Willow subconsciously hugged Mr Gordo tighter to her chest.

"I just feel like such an idiot," Willow began.  "I had my chance with Tara.  And I freaked.  I chose the easy way and now?  Now she has someone new and it hurts so much I can't even think."

Buffy grimaced.  She wondered how much her initial bad reaction to hearing about Tara had affected Willow's decision.

"No," Willow said suddenly as if reading the slayer's mind.  "Don't think that.  I'd already made up my mind long before that."  She laughed bitterly and without humour.  "Or closed my mind, I should say."

Buffy sat down on the edge of her bed, gingerly placing a hand on her friend's shoulder.  She frowned, searching for the right words.

"Are you going to talk to Tara?" she said softly.

Willow closed her eyes against a fresh round of tears.  "How can I?" she said.  "She has this other girl now..."  Willow sighed.  "You know, when I went to see her the night we got Oz back from The Initiative...she said I had to be with the person I loved.  She was willing to let me go, so I could be happy.  I have to do the same for her now."

Willow fell silent.  Buffy let her hand drop back to her side, also silent.  What else was there to say?

"You do realize Thomas J doesn't exist, right?" she asked.

Anya picked up the popcorn bowl and tossed another kernel into her mouth.  They were sitting together on Tara's bed, watching a movie about...some kid with a bee allergy.  Anya wasn't paying too much attention and didn't really think much of it anyway.  The movie had been Tara's choice, needless to say.

"You," said Tara, taking in Anya's entirely dry eyes, "have no soul."

Anya flinched.  Actually, that's technically true.

"It's just a movie, Tara," she said aloud, still munching on the popcorn.

"It's not just a movie," Tara exclaimed, sitting up straight and waving her hands around to make her point.  "It's My Girl!  It's very sad."  Anya raised an eyebrow.  "Come on!  How can you not be upset?"

Anya shrugged.  Tara threw her hands in the air and sighed.

"Fine, I give up.  There's no hope for you."  Tara glanced over at her companion.  "We'll have to watch your favourite movie next time."

Anya sat up and clapped her hands together gleefully.  "Texas Chainsaw Massacre!  Do you think the video store has it?"

Tara stared at Anya incredulously, shaking her head.  "No wonder you're so desensitized to death," she said, gesturing to the TV screen.

"Hey," Anya objected.  "Just cause I don't go all bleary eyed over some fictional little kid doesn't mean I'm desensitized to death.  If you must know, my parents are dead."

Tara's eyes widened and she placed a hand over her mouth.  "Oh, Anya I'm so sorry!  I didn't mean-"

"It's okay," Anya interrupted.  "It was a long time ago."

"Oh."  Silence.  Then:  "how long?"

"About a thousand years."  Anya's eyes widened imperceptibly as soon as she said that.  "I mean," she backpedalled, "it feels like that sometimes."

"I understand," Tara said sympathetically.  "What were they like?  I mean, when they weren't walking in on you and your ex."

"Huh?" Anya replied, confused.  "Oh!  Right, of course, I told you that story."  She took a deep breath.  "Well, my mom was..." Anya trailed off, frowning.  What was her mother like?  She had a vague recollection of brown hair and blue eyes and soft hands but...she just couldn't see the face.  Trying again, she said,  "well, actually, I was always my father's favourite..."  She stopped, trying to bring her father into focus.  Tall...strong...a farmer by trade and completely besotted with his little girl.  Little Anya.  If she concentrated really hard, she could remember what his arms felt like, holding her.  Unbidden, tears began to slip down her cheeks.  Tara looked on, concerned.

"Anya-" Tara began but was cut off by a hysterical laugh from the other girl.

"Daddy's little girl - that's me!  Anya Emerson, Christian and Katia's pride and joy.  God...if they could see me now.  I'm..."  A monster.  She sucked in a long shuddering breath.  "I've gotta go."

With that Anya rose from the bed and practically flew through the door.

"Anya!" Tara called after her, making it to the door just in time to see Anya turn a corner and disappear out of sight.  "Damn it," Tara whispered as she grabbed a jacket and followed her into the night.

Part Seven

An hour of fruitless searching later Tara decided to cut her losses and go back to her room where she would (hopefully) be safe from otherworldly beasties, albeit Anya-less.  She was practically kicking herself for scaring her friend away like that.  She should have known Anya wouldn't want to talk about her parents - after all, Tara herself could hardly think about her mother even now without crying.

Why did she tell me that story, then...Tara mused, thinking back to the first evening she and Anya had spent together, eating chinese food.  She couldn't quite put her finger on it but...something about Anya's extreme reaction tonight just didn't fit with what she thought she knew about the girl.  It was as if she'd only just realized her parents were dead when, of course, she'd been living with it for, in her own words, 'a long time.'  Tara fingered the necklace Anya had given her contemplatively.

She didn't dwell on her thoughts for very long, however, since as she rounded the corner into Main Street she spotted the object of her search sitting on the same bench they had sat on together, all those weeks ago.

"I've been looking for you," Tara said with a relieved sigh as she slid onto the seat next to the brunette.

"I've been here," Anya replied simply.  Her voice sounded raspy, like she'd been crying for a long time.  She coughed to clear her throat.  "How hard did you look?"

"Anya...I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to upset you."

"No," Anya said softly.  "You don't mean to.  But you do all the same."

Tara frowned, her expression pained.  "What-"

"I mean you wander around, just being you with no consideration for other people and how you might be making them feel," Anya interrupted, like she hadn't even heard her.  "You call me your friend and you talk about my parents and you kiss me to make your ex jealous and you act like it's nothing when I feel like I'm going crazy!  You make me feel all this stuff," she cried, growing more and more impassioned, "like I want to scream and cry and laugh all at the same time and you don't even notice!  How dare you?  How dare you make me care about you?"  The last was said at a pitch which would have attracted all the dogs in Sunnydale, if any had happened to be within earshot.  Anya slumped when she was finished and buried her face in her hands, leaving Tara looking down at the back of her head with glittering eyes.

"Anya..." Tara began but trailed off, placing a hand on the back of her friend's neck.

"I'm so confused," Anya whispered through her hands.  "I don't know who I am anymore..."

"I know who you are," Tara said in one of the most decisive tones she'd ever been able to muster.  "You're Anya Emerson.  You're my friend and I care about you.  Isn't that enough?"

Anya looked up slowly, turning to face Tara with teary eyes.  Tara felt a jolt of emotion run through her, finally settling in her throat, making her voice thick.

"Anya..."

With that she leaned closer and kissed her, tangling both hands in her shoulder-length brown hair.  Anya was frozen for a second before she melted into Tara, kissing her fiercely and holding on for dear life.

They parted, breathless, a few moments later.  Anya stared at Tara's flushed face, inches from her own.  "Yes..." she said softly but decisively.  "That's enough."

Tara smiled, pushing a few strands of Anya's hair behind the other girls ear.  "Good," she breathed.  "And by the way," she added mischievously.  "This time...she was nowhere in sight."

"So...are you excited about the gig?" Willow asked, looking hopefully at the man in the driver's seat.

Oz seemed to consider the question for a moment.

"I guess," he said finally as he turned the van into Main Street.

Willow looked disappointed.

"And school...how are those summer classes working out?"

Again, Oz considered the question.  "Pretty good."

Willow slumped imperceptibly.  Like trying to get blood from a stone.

Somewhere in the back of her mind Willow knew that life with Oz had always been this way.  He was stoic.  It was practically his middle name - Daniel Stoic Osbourne.  At least...he was that way with everyone else.  With Willow he had always been more open.  She was the one who got to share his emotions.

Since he'd come back, Oz didn't share with anyone.

Willow closed her eyes for a second and thought about Tara.  Sitting in Tara's room, giggling over pictures of Jonathan.  Doing spells.  Doing 'spells.'  Holding hands.  Talking.

("I am you know."

"What?"

"Yours.")

Willow sighed and opened her eyes.

Just in time to look through the driver's window and catch sight of Tara kissing another girl.

Part Eight

Anya came awake very slowly, a sixth sense telling her....well, she wasn't quite sure what it was telling her.  That was the thing about sixth senses - never clear enough.  Her other five senses were, however, exceedingly clear.  Her eyes told her that she was lying in Tara's bed, holding Tara from behind.  Her ears told her that Tara was asleep, at least if the deep regular breathing was to be believed.  Her nose told her that Tara's hair smelled like apples.  Her hands told her that she and Tara were both...fully clothed.  Damn.  As she slowly regained consciousness, the night started to come back to her.  Kissing Tara on the bench.  Walking back to the motel hand in hand.  Talking.  Cuddling.  More kissing.

The sixth sense, tired of being ignored, made its presence felt again at that point.  This time, rather than just giving Anya a fleeting sense of something or other, it let her feel the eyes boring into her back.

Anya let go of Tara carefully and then slowly turned to face whatever it was that was watching her.

"Anyanka."

Anya blinked once.

"D'Hoffryn."

Willow sipped a coke in a corner of the Bronze, watching her friends.  Oz was on stage with the Dingoes.  Buffy and Riley - who had just got back from visiting his parents in Iowa - were dancing.  Not far from them, Xander was dancing with a girl called...damn, what was her name?  Oh yeah, Julie.  Tonight had been her introduction to the group.  It looked like Xander really liked her - well, he had washed his hair for the occasion and that was really saying something.  Willow sighed.  A year ago her two best friends had been moping over Angel and Cordelia respectively.  A year ago Willow had been sitting in the corner waiting for Oz to finish playing.  Now they had all moved on.

Wait...aren't I doing exactly the same thing I was a year ago?

Willow sighed.  She had to accept the truth.  Everyone had moved on except...

Except me.

Even Tara.

Oh yeah, she's moved on all right.  Moved on to to the next coffee-house bimbo she meets.

A snide part of Willow's brain pointed out:

Uh...you dumped her remember?  Not the other way around.

Willow ignored that and went right on feeling angry.

"D'Hoffryn!"  Anya yelled, then flinched, looking down at Tara who, fortunately, appeared undisturbed.

"She will not wake," D'Hoffryn said slowly.  "The sleeping spell I used on her was really quite good."

"Oh...well...good, I guess."  Anya shook herself.  "Never mind that.  What the hell are you doing here?"

"You chanted for me."  D'Hoffryn replied reasonably.

"Days ago," Anya said.  "I don't need you anymore.  Go away."

D'Hoffryn's eyes clouded, even showing a hint of red.

"Have you forgotten to whom you are speaking?!" he roared menacingly.

"Oh please," said Anya dismissing him with a wave of her hand.  "We both know that your code strictly forbids harming your own vengeance demons.  You can't lay a finger on me, and you know it."

D'Hoffryn almost smiled.

"I'm glad to see you still remember some of our rules, Anyanka.  Do you perhaps also recall the one about never forming relationships with humans?"  He gestured to Tara, who had turned and snuggled closer to Anya in her sleep.

"Oh...well, um, I can explain-"

"I have been watching you Anyanka," D'Hoffryn continued as if she had not spoken.  "It has become clear that you are no longer trying to return to Arashmaharr.  You wish to remain human.  Why else would you dally with this child?"

"She's not a child-" Anya began but was cut off by D'Hoffryn.

"Anyanka.  Compared to beings such as you and I, all humans are children."

Anya flinched.

"I'm not like you anymore," she said forcefully.

"Anyanka...in your current state I know you will find this difficult to believe.  What you are feeling is not real.  It is merely a reaction to losing your power source for an extended period.  Nothing more."

"You're wrong."

"Am I?  No-matter.  I cannot force you to return with me.  Do you wish to stay here?"

Anya looked down at Tara's sleeping face and smiled softly.

"I do."

D'Hoffryn turned his back on them and faced the door.

"In that case," he said.  "I shall have to recruit a new vengeance demon."

Anya let that hang in the air for a moment before looking up at her former boss's back.

"Have anyone in mind?"

D'Hoffryn turned his head.

"I was thinking about Willow Rosenberg.  It seems conditions may now be right to attempt to recruit her again.  She is in a lot of pain over this child."  He pointed at Tara.  "And she is also very angry with you."

Anya just stared at him, then at Tara.

"If Willow becomes a demon...she'll hurt Tara.  That's what happens.  You go after the people you loved most as a human."

"That is not my concern."

Then he was gone, disappearing through a portal into his own dimension, leaving Anya alone with Tara and her thoughts.

She stared at Tara's sleeping face for a long time.

Part Nine

For some reason, the injection of a little happiness into her personal life had made working at the coffee-house just a little more bearable.  Her boss had been less obnoxious, the customers less demanding...she'd even managed to rake in a few extra tips which meant she could afford to treat Anya to dinner.  In fact, she was going back to her motel room to meet Anya now.  She wasn't quite feeling up to whistling a jaunty tune or doing a merry jig...but she was in a good mood nonetheless.

A good mood which lasted for precisely 32 seconds.  That was the length of time it took to get from the coffee-shop to the bench on Main Street (which Tara had taken to calling 'Anya's Bench' since Anya related stuff always seemed to happen there.)  Anya wasn't on it this time though.  And the person who was there instead was the source of Tara's sudden loss of good-mood.

"Hey," Willow said as Tara came within earshot.  "Can we talk?"

Tara was all ready with an excuse...but then she made the mistake of looking into Willow's eyes.  Tara could never refuse those eyes...even when she knew she should.  It was those eyes which had caused her to say what seemed now like the stupidest thing she'd ever said.

("Do what makes you h-happy.")

She hadn't wanted to say that.  She'd wanted to say "Choose me!" or "I love you!"  She'd wanted to shower her with kisses and make such a mark on the other girl's heart that Oz could never take her away.  But no.  One look into Willow's sad green eyes always made her ache so much that she'd do or say anything to make her happy again.  Even if it meant giving her up.

Tara sat down.

"What would you like to talk about?"

Willow smiled nervously.  "I'm not sure really.  I mean, I have this whole conversation worked out...apart from the actual talking."

Tara started to smile.  God, she's so cute...no, wait, I shouldn't be thinking like that.  Willow-babble does not equal cute - Willow-babble equals annoying.  Oh yeah.  I'm annoyed.

"I mean there's so much I want to say," Willow was continuing.  "Where to begin, you know?"

"Why don't you try starting with the most important thing.  Then...work from there."

"I love you," Willow blurted, almost before Tara had finished talking.  Tara's face froze.

"Oh," she said eventually.

Anya was pacing while talking to herself.  An (very small) objective part of her mind was telling her that she really did seem crazy right now but she couldn't help it.  She didn't want to believe what D'Hoffryn had told her...but then, how could she account for how she felt right now?  And why the hell was she still talking to herself?

"...no other way.  I can't let her get hurt.  I love her?  No, that doesn't sound right.  Mind you, I'm a little out of practice with these things.  I just know I can't let her get hurt.  No other way..."

She just had to wait for Tara to get here.  Everything would be fine once she got there.  Then maybe Anya would know what she was going to do.

Before Tara could respond to Willow's little bombshell she found herself on the receiving end of a very passionate kiss.  Willow's lips felt...desperate.  Well, that and soft and warm and silky and Tara couldn't help but respond once she'd gotten over the initial shock.  This was the moment she'd dreamt about so many times, the moment she'd wanted more than air...two months too late.  A voice in the back of her mind told her this was very, very wrong but Tara ignored it.  Until she felt Willow's hand touch the necklace Anya had given her and the previously anonymous voice began to take on a very familiar tone.  She groaned deep in her throat and wrenched herself away.

Tara sat back, breathing hard for a moment.  Willow tried to speak but Tara held up a hand and stopped her.  When she got her composure back she turned to face Willow.  "Don't do that again," she said softly.

"I'm sorry," Willow said immediately, her expression pained.  "I didn't plan on any of that, it just sort of...happened."

Tara raised an eyebrow.

"No really, it's true!"  Willow insisted.  "I wanted to say I'm sorry...for everything I put you through.  I wanted to try to make it up to you somehow - in a completely friendly, platonic way.  I know you're dating another girl, I've seen you around with her.  I know I blew my chance.  I know it's too late for us.  But....what my head knows and what my heart was hoping for are two completely different things.  I'm so sorry.  You don't deserve this, on top of everything.  I just...I'm sorry.  And I'm shutting up now."

Tara didn't need to say anything.  She simply offered Willow a wry half-smile which seemed to carry everything she could possibly have said in it.  The air lightened considerably as Willow offered a smile of her own in return.

"How's Oz?" Tara asked after a minute.

"Oz is...a disaster," Willow said after a little thought.  "Ever since that day he saw you and changed, he's been afraid to get upset.  Or excited.  Or anything at all.  I mean I'm used to stoic-Oz....but this is like complete-stranger-Oz."

Tara tried to be sympathetic-looking.  She didn't make a very good job of it.  Willow shook her head and smiled.

"How's...uh...whatever her name is?" she asked.

"Anya?"  Willow nodded.  "Anya is...good."  Tara smiled.  "Anya is...going somewhere.  Anya is...my girlfriend."

Willow hurt like Tara had dropped a two tonne weight on her.  She might as well have.

"Do you love her?" Willow asked with a small catch in her voice.

Tara looked down at Willow's face kindly.  Reaching out, she stroked a hand over the redhead's cheek.

"Not like I love you," she whispered.  She waited till Willow's hopeful eyes met her own before adding, almost regretfully:  "Not yet."

Willow bit her lip, her eyes filling involuntarily with tears.  She dipped her head once and tried to smile.  She didn't quite manage it but Tara appreciated the effort.

"I should go," Tara said, dropping her hand.  "I'm meeting her..."

"Go on," Willow said.  "I think we're done, right?"

"Yeah," Tara replied, on the verge of tears herself.  "I think we are."

Willow pulled Tara close to her in a last desperate hug.  She held on tight, at the same time wondering if there were any spells she could do to make this moment last forever, so she'd never have to let go.  But eventually she felt Tara tighten her hold briefly, then release.  Willow let her go slowly, then watched her stand and walk off towards her motel.  She waited till she was out of sight, but Tara never looked back.

Part Ten

Well...I guess those dinner plans are shot to hell.

Tara was walking back to the motel.  Slowly.  Waiting until she was out of Willow's sight before she broke down was possibly the hardest thing she'd ever done.  But as soon as she rounded the corner she had crumpled against the wall and cried for what felt like an age.  By the end she was actually laughing because she just knew  that Willow was doing the exact same thing, about a hundred feet away.  In her heightened emotional state that struck her as very funny.

The carpet in Tara's motel room was of very low quality.  Nevertheless, Anya was quite impressed that she had managed to wear the tread down quite far with her pacing.  Now she was sitting on the bed, hugging her knees.  She'd calmed down some, enough to start thinking somewhat logically.  She had eleven hundred and twenty years of life experience to draw on - there should be no problem she couldn't master.  The problem was she had never felt this way before.  In fact, if she believed D'Hoffryn she wasn't really feeling anything now.  But how could she trust a demon?  Well...technically she was a demon herself.  But then, she was different now wasn't she?  So that meant she was feeling all this, right?

Aargh...so much for logical thought.  Okay, Anya.  Calm down.

Emotions were clearly not her strong suit.  She had to concentrate on what she knew.  Emotions were tricky, they could be misinterpreted, altered by memory or circumstance.  Physical feelings were something she could count on.  She knew that they came from her and her alone.

The thought of Tara getting hurt made her physically sick.

If Willow is made a demon, Tara will get hurt.  D'Hoffryn will make Willow a demon to replace me.  If I go back to him...he won't need a replacement.  So...I get Tara to make a wish and then grant it.  Problem solved.

One slight drawback to this plan quickly became apparent, however.

The thought of leaving Tara and going back to life as a demon also made her physically sick.

A small pebble rolled along the pavement  and came to a stop at the bottom of a flight of stairs.  Tara decided not to kick it again, instead electing to make her way up the stairs towards her motel room.  She hoped Anya wouldn't mind her being late.  It had taken her at least thirty minutes longer than usual to make the journey from the coffee-shop.  God...Anya was probably worried sick.  The first night they'd met she had saved Tara from a vampire, so Anya knew all too well the kinds of things which could make a Sunnydale resident late.  Tara quickened her pace.

Anya wasn't there.

Now Tara was the one who was worried.  Anya had never been late - ever.  Tara flopped down on the bed.  She would wait for a few minutes in case she showed up.  After that...well, she would cross that bridge when she came to it.

Tara sighed.  Tonight had really, really turned out badly.  Willow still knew how to get under her skin.  She'd never met anyone who could make her feel so thoroughly awful and wonderful at the same time.  Oh she'd met plenty of people who could make her feel just plain awful - she'd grown up with a few of them, in fact.  Willow was different.

Well, that's love for you.  Correction - that's unrequited love for you.  Except it's not exactly unrequited is it?

Tara sighed.  She remembered what it had been like immediately after Willow had gone back to Oz.  There had been pain - lots of that.  There had been anger and sadness.  But above all there had been endless hours of wishing that things were different.

Tara jumped as she felt a hand come down on her her shoulder.

"Hey, hey, calm down," Anya said.

"Anya!  You scared me to death!"

"Can I help it if you're acting like a space cadet?  I said your name like three times.  You were pretty out of it."

"Oh...okay then - in that case I'm sorry."

Anya smiled.

"Where were you?"  Anya asked softly.  "I waited for you but I got worried when you were so late and I went out to look for you."

"Oh - I'm sorry about that," Tara said immediately, pulling Anya down to sit next to her.  "I ran into Willow and-"

"Willow?"  Anya interrupted.  "You've seen Willow?  What happened?"  She began an almost frantic examination of any patches of bare skin she could see.

Tara grinned, misinterpreting the cause of Anya's concern.  "Why?  You jealous?"

"Don't be ridiculous."  Anya dismissed that notion with a wave of her hand.  "I'm just worried about you."

"Well, there's no need.  It was just talk."

Tara realized her mistake immediately.  Giving her mind an excuse to relive that conversation was an idiotic thing to do.  Within seconds she was crying.  And she thought she was all cried out for the evening.

"Ssh, baby, it's okay," Anya whispered, taking the sobbing girl into her arms.  "It's going to be okay."

Okay...I guess my mind has been made up.  Leaving this girl is simply not an option.

Tara sighed softly and snuggled closer to Anya.

Oh God...on second thought, no.  There's no way I can even run the risk of maybe letting this girl get hurt.  I have to go back.

Anya placed a small kiss on Tara's temple.  The blonde looked up at her and smiled.

Okay.  Leaving is absolutely not an option.

"Do you want to talk about it?  I mean, what happened with Willow?"

Tara tightened her hold on Anya for a second and shrugged.

"Nothing happened.  We just talked."

"Oh yeah, nothing happened.  So you haven't been sitting here crying over it for the past five minutes."

Tara sighed.

"Okay.  There may have been some angst.  She's just so sad.  Like I was before you."  Anya smiled softly.  "I just...I wish she was happy," Tara added, almost as an afterthought.

Anya froze.

("If it helps at all, I think she'd have been happier with you.")

Oh God.

One little sentence from Tara and suddenly it wasn't about Anya or how she was feeling.  It had nothing to do with her anymore.  It was all Tara.  And Anya knew what she had to do.

Gently, Anya stroked a hand down Tara's cheek, tilting the other girl's face up to meet her in a kiss.  And when that was over there was only one thing left to say.

"Done."

Epilogue

"No candles?  Well, I brought one.  It's extra flamey."

Tara stared at Willow, shifted her eyes to the candle, then back to Willow before motioning for her to come in.  She took the candle, feeling it's heat seep into her cold fingers, concentrating on staring at the flickering light.

"Tara, I have to tell you-"

"No, I understand.  You have to be with the person you l-love."

Tara couldn't bring herself to look up from the candle but if she had she would have seen Willow's face light up in a smile.

"I am."

Outside Tara's dorm room two figures waited in the shadows.  One looked human enough, a pretty brunette in her early twenties.  The other was clearly a demon.  The horns were a dead give-away.

"Why have you come here Anyanka?"  D'Hoffryn asked his favourite, now reinstated, vengeance demon.

"Oh, you know me - workaholic.  Just checking up on my handiwork."

D'Hoffryn nodded slowly.

"I thought you might be here to hurt her.  That's how it works, correct?  You said it yourself.  A demon hurts those who it loved most as a human."

Anya seemed to consider the notion.

"Nah," she said finally.  "I just want to get out of this damn town.  I smell a nice score out in The Phillipines."

D'Hoffryn nodded again.  "I am pleased with you Anyanka.  You always were my favourite."

Anya turned her head towards her boss sharply.

"You never had any intention of recruiting Willow, did you?"

D'Hoffryn didn't even bat an eyelid.  "Anyanka.  Do you truly believe I would trick you?"

Anya didn't dignify that with a response.  Instead she turned back to face Tara's door, just in time to see the light from the candle disappear.

Anya closed her eyes tightly for a second and exhaled.

"Okay," she said, turning to D'Hoffryn.  "I'm good to go."