On the last day of their league campaign, Woods 1st XI were presented with a damp green wicket at Ottershaw. Wortley, having not won a toss in August, was keener than ever to get it right this time and have the chance to field first. Knowing exactly how fifty pence pieces behave on the last Saturday of the month, with Aries rising, he called heads, turned on a six pence and asked his openers to put their pads on.

Stand in openers Miller and Walker found the pitch a little too lively - Walker got a good one and Windy drove loosely, but walked off to a stirring rendition of:

"Windy Miller, Windy Miller,
sharper than a thorn
Like a mouse he's spry and nimble
when he grinds the corn
And like a bird he'll watch the wind
and listen for the sound...
Which says he has the wind he needs
to make the sails go round"

(Windy Miller's song, Camberwick Green, Watch With Mother, BBC 1966)

This brought Vagg and Patel together, who put on 44 before Patel holed out to deep backward square leg, hooking. Frodo Pryor showed his masterful knowledge of cricket, commenting that it was the best shot he'd seen all season and that Gandalf himself would have been pleased with it.

Vagg went on to make 43 (on that minefield of a pitch, worth at least the 59 that would have won the batting trophy), joined by Clisby, who made 18. Then the Newbury Fruits came together. Wortley started aggressively, cutting his first ball powerfully into the covers, where he was caught. Hicks and Graves (brought to you by L'Oreal) then produce a cameo partnership of 14. Hicks hit a ball off the square, because he's worth it, but then got over-excited. He pushed the ball to the bowler, and called Graves through for a suicide run. Hicks was adamant that Graves "could have just said 'no' '' Graves was adamant that Hicks was passed him before he even called.

Woods innings subsided to a meagre 138 all out, with the Risk brothers picking up 8 wickets between them.

After a magnificent tea, with samosas scoring highly on the Hiscox-scale, Ottershaw began brightly, with Das racing to 20, before he was plucked out of the air, one-handed by Miller at second slip.

Selby also bowled well, to remove Sexton and Tindall, as Ottershaw were reduced to 35 for 4. Wickets from Vagg, a run out from Graves, and the third of five wickets for Aldous (Caswell, 34), brought in Toben, who Hicks and Graves claimed had called them "clowns." Few could argue with his judgment, but Aldous questioned his technique, producing a lifter which was obligingly looped back to Aldous's grateful clutches. Aldous then bowled Smith for nought to finish with 5-21 as he finished Ottershaw's innings with three wickets in four balls.

This seventh win of the season, moved Woods up to fourth in the league, though other sides have a game in hand. This represents a significant improvement on last year, and with growing strength throughout the club, Woods will feel that promotion is a possibility next year. As against Ottershaw, Selby and Aldous were the pick of the bowlers this season, with 38 and 36 wickets respectively, while Conway, Vagg and Miller headed the run scorers. Thanks to Irene and David Harris for scoring and umpiring, and to Braz for the pitches.

21/08/04
Woodmansterne 1st X1 216 for 7 dec
Englefield Green 1st X1 103 for 7

Following back-to-back wins, Woodmansterne went into their Fuller's League contest with lowly Englefield Green brimming with confidence. Asked to bat on a damp wicket, they proceeded serenely to 100 with the loss of just Lucas, as in-form opener Conway made his second successive half-century.

Woods lost Conway and Patel (32) in quick succession, but this brought in Miller, who has batted well all season without making a big score. However, he finally fulfilled his potential, bludgeoning the Englefield attack with a destructive 74 from 67 balls, including five fours and three sixes. Woodmansterne declared on 216 for 7 from 50 overs, leaving Englefield needing less than five an over to win, and just 191 for a winning draw.

It was clear from the outset that Englefield had settled for avoiding defeat, as they stuttered to 10 without loss from the first 10 overs of their reply. Woodmansterne chopped and changed the bowling and set attacking fields as they sought to take wickets, but did not help their cause by dropping three catches, two in the hapless Selby's first over. Aldous finished with 4 for 23 as Englefield blocked out 44 overs to achieve 103 for 7, short of the 120 that would have achieved one batting point.

Woodmansterne travel to Ottershaw next week for the last game of the season, knowing that only a win will give them any chance of achieving a top five finish.

Skipper Wortley made his spiritual homecoming to Northey Avenue as he led Woodmansterne into their local derby with newly promoted Old Suttonians. For a man who has played so much at Northey Avenue, it came as some surprise when he completely misread the pitch, prevailing weather conditions and the use of a £2 coin, and called tails at the toss. The inevitable heads turned up, and Woods were inserted on a green, damp wicket.

Sutts skipper Smith's decision paid immediate dividends as he removed Lucas and Walker to leave Woods reeling at 2 for 2. Miller struck an ebullient 26 from just 29 balls, but when he was caught off the wayward Dagley, Patel and Phillips followed quickly and Woods found themselves in trouble at 88 for 5. Meanwhile, however, the ever-dependable batsman and occasional bowler, Conway, had been steadily accumulating runs at the other end, moving chancelessly to a half-century off 109 balls. When Conway fell, Clisby, Selby, Wortley and Aldous moved through the gears, each reaching double figures as Woods progressed to 156 for 9.

Enter the enigmatic Pryor. Two dot balls. A flick for two. A dot ball. A flick on the full, straight into the hands of short leg. Pryor's and Woodmansterne's innings is over. But is it? Pryor stands his ground. School boy rules he claims - this is a school ground after all. "You can't be out in your first over, unless it's one hand one bounce or you hit a six." Umpire Harris is having none of it. Pryor is sent on his way, cursing and muttering about taking a ring to the gates of Mawdor. So, Woods innings finished on 158 all out, indebted to Conway's defiant 57, a figure that Smith conceded was "Probably worth 250 on that wicket."

Old Sutts reply, buoyed by jelly babies, survived one maiden over from Aldous, before Selby began his assault, removing Boyce with a jaffa which Miller snapped up at slip. Weller followed, bounced by Aldous, and snaffled down the leg-side by Pryor. The middle-earthian commented: "You dream of getting one leg-side catch a season. I took that one against Horley last week, and I thought that was the one. There would never be another like it. Then I take off, down the leg-side, stick out a right hand, pluck the ball from the air, and it's like my dream's come true - twice....now where's that ring gone, my precious?"

Smith and Dagley added thirty for the third wicket, but when Selby spotted Smith's penchant for driving in the air through backward point (something Wortley had failed to spot in twelve years of playing with the ginger run-machine), and stationed Clisby there, the partnership was quickly broken. Dagley followed, still unsettled by rumours that Spurs had gone one-nil down, and then Wortley had Parrington caught at point of his wicket-ball, the full toss. Selby nabbed his fourth and fifth, as one-time Woodman Lucas D was caught by Aldous in the covers and De Cuyper was well caught by Patel at mid-off, the ball after Wortley had moved him back ten yards.

Resistance from Wood was ended by a sharp run out executed by Walker, before Wortley acrobatically caught and bowled Shepherd and produced a spitting cobra-ball to remove Oldale, snared by Conway at slip. Old Sutts all out 92, Woodmansterne win by 66 runs, Selby finishing with 5-45.

Woodmansterne's 1st XI were allegedly weakened for their clash with Horley, with Nik Patel and Dave Clisby off helping Jon Lucas to research his PHD thesis, on the correlation between the length of time it takes to get ready to go to a summer ball and sexual preference.*

The side's confidence had also suffered from the hundred-run drubbing dealt out by Battersea Ironsides the week before, and so it was with a heavy heart that skipper Wortley inspected the pitch and the prevailing weather conditions and decided that he did not know whether to bat, bowl or field if he won the toss. The Horley captain Stuart Macpherson unconventionally called tails, despite the use of a 10 pence piece on the first Saturday in August, but Macpherson had correctly adjusted for the curvature of the earth, and the coin landed tails up.

Woods were inserted, and progressed serenely to 49 without loss, whereupon Andy Conway tried to guide a ball through third man and played on for 23. Ian Miller looked to be going well before driving lazily at Potgeiter to be caught in the covers for 37. Chris Vagg followed, adjudged lbw to a ball that pitched outside leg-stump, and the standard Saturday collapse continued in style with the loss of Wortley, Phillips, Jacobs and Hicks as Woods were reduced to 113 for 7.

Enter Dave Walker and Jim Selby, who put on 70 for the eighth wicket, with an eclectic mix of brutality and finesse. Woods finished on 185 for 9 from 55 overs, with Walker making 45 and Selby left stranded 7 runs short of a fifty, hampered by his refusal to deal in any currency other than boundaries.

Lesley Miller produced an excellent tea (9.6 on the IHS), keen to make sure that Ian doesn't waste away by not getting enough to eat. Woods came out to field firing on all cylinders, but began to misfire immediately as Wortley's first delivery was dispatched for four. Nevertheless, Peter Aldous, with the red mist starting to descend, ripped out the openers, bowling Voller for 8 and then seeing Tony Phillips catch Kirkham with his chest. Wortley removed David Stevens with the best long-hop googly bowled all day and Horley were reeling on 31 for 3.

Macpherson and Trevor Stevens showed some resistance with quick runs, but a delivery from Wortley found Stevens' outside edge, Pryor's, right glove, Vagg's midrift and finally Vagg's hands. Selby then entered the fray, taking the new ball and immediately removing Macpherson through the self-proclaimed 'best catch in the world ever' down the leg-side by Pryor. Potgeiter followed in the same over, caught at slip by Conway, and Wortley brought back Aldous to clean up the tail.

Aldous decided instead to rough them up, bowling a series of short balls and full tosses, as he attempted to endear himself to the crowd. A few members of the Horley Barmy Army suggested, not unreasonably, that he should bowl at the stumps. Aldous responded by taking the final two wickets to finish with 4-39, as Woods won by 59 runs. In his elation, Aldous seemed to lose his head briefly, and had to be restrained by the combined force of Vagg, Conway and Ian 'the wall' Miller. He explained that he had merely wanted to run to the Horley team and thank them for their helpful advice, and put his momentary loss of sense down to pent up frustration. "I really wanted to go to the ball with Lucky," he explained.

Then things turned really messy as Rob Hicks ate a kit-kat he had been melting in his pocket since the first team's last win on 3rd July.

Next week, skipper Wortley returns to the cauldron of Northey Avenue for the first time since his multi-million pound move to the street in the summer. He is expecting a hot reception when he returns, but is in no doubt of the scale of the task ahead of his side:

"Old Suttonians have not had a good season: they've lost some really easy games and are a full seventy points behind us. Nevertheless, this is a game they'll really want to win, and I'm sure with the talent at their disposal, they'll come out all guns blazing. I know the fans over there still hold me in a high regard, and I don't think I'll be put off by the burning effigies."

* Cinderella and the Pink Slipper, by Lucas, OUP, £79.99

On one of the hottest days of the year Woodmansterne, placed sixth, played host to Battersea Ironsides who sat comfortably in a promotion position. Skipper Tom Wortley won the ever-important toss and invited Battersea to bat on a hard track leaving Woodmansterne to field in the heat of the day.

Battersea got off to a flying start, with Mouncey (27) scoring with particular fluency and confidence before holing out to Wortley who took a fine catch off the bowling of Selby at deep mid off. The run rate remained high due to some sloppy fielding from Woods who seemed to lack any killer instinct, the slip cordon even refusing to appeal for several half chances that could easily have been given. Webster (106*) took particular advantage with a fine combination of stroke play and powerful hitting.

The hard-working Selby was the pick of the bowling, taking 3 wickets for 74, though part-time bowler Conway bought 2 wickets, both caught by Wortley who took his tally to 3 catches for the innings. Conway himself and Jon Lucas also joined in with two classy catches of their own and wicket keeper Pryor stubbornly conceded no byes. Battersea eventually declared on 239 for 6 after 50 overs.

Woods came out to bat after tea but never looked like contesting this game with a disappointing batting performance. Lucas (4) looked to play his shots but fell early, and fellow-opener Conway (15) nicked a catch to the wicket keeper after being involved in the confusion that ran out Patel (5). Only Ian Miller (28) offered much resistance with some assured drives and cuts, although Rob Hicks (14), just back from a decadent holiday in Faliraki and with the beads to prove it, also made it to double-figures.

The end came with dismal inevitability as Woods were bowled out for 115. For Battersea, Metcalfe (3 for 28) was ably backed-up by the bowling of Mayo (who also took 3 catches), Devitt and Ahmed, all with 2 wickets each.

With only 4 matches left in the season, Woodmansterne must take all they can from these games if they are to push for the promotion spot that seemed so promising after their flying start back in the spring.

Woodmansterne won the toss and elected to field in their Fuller's League match away at Stoke D'Abernon, and elected to field, despite hot, sunny weather and a batter-friendly looking pitch. The decision looked to have paid off when opening bowler Aldous removed Murray for just 3, but Murray's fellow opener Lahiri looked composed from the start and proceeded to a serene century.

While Sahiri's wristy stroke-play occupied one end, Woodmansterne's bowlers had some success at the other, with Selby and Wortley bowling 32 inexpensive overs between them to claim two wickets apiece. Stoke D'Abernon closed on 214 for 7 from 53 overs.

Woodmansterne's response began confidently, until Conway was adjudged lbw for 18, playing well forward. Lucas followed shortly, but birthday boy Nik Patel came to the wicket to continue his rich vein of form, and though Vagg was dismissed for 23 and then Miller for 27, Woodmansterne were still on course at 139 for 3 with 11 overs to go.

However, a period of stagnation followed, with Patel dismissed a stuttering Wortley running out his partner, Gibbs for a duck. Suddenly, Woods were facing a battle to gain a winning draw, and despite Selby's quickfire 16, wickets continued to fall, and it was left to Aldous and Pryor to see out the final over, as Woods fell 8 runs short with one wicket in hand.

Next Saturday, Woodmansterne entertain high-flying Battersea Ironsides at the Park, with a full-strength side still entertaining hopes of nicking the third promotion spot.

Two weeks ago, Woodmansterne recorded a famous one wicket victory against Old Paulines to put them into the top five of the Fullers County League, and had been looking to capitalise ever since. They were left drumming their fingers as the rain came down against lowly Long Ditton the week after, where rain forced an abandonment without a ball being bowled. So Woods' players were keen to perform well against the unbeaten league leaders, Caterham, on Saturday.

However, the Woodmansterne side was struck down by a combination of trips to the Open Gold Championship, Dragon Boat Racing, Touch Rugby finals and Balearic clubbing, and so it was an unfamiliar batting line up that faced up to a Caterham side strengthened by the return of ex-Surrey player, Chris Bullen.

The toss was crucial. On a damp, slow, drying pitch, Woods lost out, and were put in to bat. Caterham bowled tightly, making the most of the conditions, as Woods were reduced to 117 all out. Only debutant Nikhil Patel showed any real resistance, battling to an unbeaten 41 not out, as Stewart Dunbar picked up 5 for 21.

117 would never be enough, and despite an early breakthrough from Aldous, and a couple of expensive wickets from skipper Wortley, Caterham coasted home, courtesy of a run-a-ball fifty from Grant. Woods travel to Stoke D'Abernon next week, with a strengthened side looking to inject renewed impetus into their promotion push.

In rather unusual circumstances a report has been compiled for a match abandoned before a ball was bowled. Normality returned as Wortley once again called incorrectly for the toss of the coin. Much practise over the last week with a 5p borrowed from Lucky Lucas had come to nothing once again and Woodmansterne were asked to bat on a slightly damp pitch.

The Right Rev Conway and Lucky arrived at the middle and Conway took guard for the first delivery. It was at this time that bizarre events unfolded. As the bowler marked out his run Umpire Bomber Harris was seen running towards the Pavilion. Perhaps it was a result of Irene's slightly overcooked Chicken Jalfrezi the previous evening. No, in the strangest of conditions it was actually pouring down with rain at his end of the pitch while at the other end Conway, wicket keeper and slips stood in dry warm sunshine. Without delay the fielders followed in Bombers footsteps and made a quick exit never to return.

Vagg and Pryor once again went missing in action. Concerned for their safety a search party was formed and eventually they were located eyeing up ripe tomatoes on a local allotment.

The match was called off at 3:30pm without a ball being bowled and the 1st IX returned to the Street Ground to watch the rug rats (2nd XI) led by their skipper Chucky while sipping the local tea (traditional English ale)

On a slightly overcast afternoon Wortley broke the habit and won a toss. This is a skill that has eluded many 1st X1 captains over the last few seasons. Chris Vagg previously had a 100% failure rate. Old Paulines were asked to bat on a wicket offering assistance to the seam bowlers.

Peter Aldous was straight into the action having the dangerous Paulet playing on from a rising delivery. The Woodmansterne seamers continued to press and were unlucky not to make further inroads until Baldrock was well caught by Hicks in the covers. Duncan was the only batsmen to come to terms with the pitch and made a steady 72.

Tight bowling and some excellent fielding contributed to the total being kept to a reachable 135 all out (from 52 overs). Wortley turned in some decent figures (4-17) from 8 overs that left the tail in a spin. Selby was used sparingly and only managed to contribute 20 overs (2-45). Selby, Vagg (1-25) and Aldous (3-46) bowled with great control.

A welcome tea followed which scored 9 on the old Hiscox scale but registering a massive 110 on the newly introduced Wortley/Lucas midnight tuck ratings.

Woodmansterne made a slow start chasing the 135 required to win. Possibly Lucas and Conway had indulged in too much of the fruit cake. Their story was the ball was moving. Lucas (12) survived one loud shout for a caught behind but soon after was making his way back to the safety of his team in the club house. Hicks was unlucky to be bowled without troubling the scorers. He was soon followed by the patient Conway (16).

Wortley had shown great leadership by splitting up the Newbury fruits with the experienced Vagg, and the returning duo of Phillips and Clisby. The prolific Vagg had moved to 20 before edging behind leaving Woodmansterne on 56-4. Dusty Clisby and Phillips put on 49 for the 5th wicket with Clisby given plenty of chances to perfect his hook shot in a quickly compiled 36 (44 balls). These two took the score to 105 when Clisby was unluckily run out. Phillips (12) followed immediately to expose the tail.

Polley played a couple of nice shots before falling however after Selby and Pryor showed that their experience counted for nothing it was left to Wortley (18 not out) and Aldous (0 not out) to steer Woodmansterne home.

Woodmansterne were well beaten by Valley End in their top of the table Fullers County League clash on Saturday. Having lost the toss, Woods were asked to bat first on a day that always looked as though rain would play a part.

The top of the order batsmen saw Woods build a good platform, with the first four all getting into double figures, Conway's 38 and the ever improving 'Dusty' Miller's 33 saw Woods to 89 for 2, a large total looked on the cards. It was then that Woodmansterne revealed their 'Newberry Fruit' middle order. S.Jarvis (5 for 33) and the youthful left arm spinner J.Coleman (4 for 27) ripped out the heart of the Woods batting, with four wickets tumbling for only one run.

It was left to the tail to eke out a few runs, and occupy the crease in the hope that rain might intervene. Eventually all out for 134, a total that was never going to be enough, Woods took to the field hoping their bowlers would get them some much needed points.

The Valley End openers I.Guest (52no) and D.Cable (21) were in no mood to let slip their strong position, and even a short break for rain, was not going to see Woods salvage anything from the encounter. Woods did manage to take four wickets, but it was Jarvis who smashed the winning runs in his 28 no to take the twenty points for End. His contribution to the match, probably was the difference between the two teams, as it was in the League Cup encounter, earlier in the season.

Woodmansterne 1st XI narrowly missed out on victory against bottom-placed Southbank, but it was Dave Pryor who captured all the headlines, despite not batting and dropping at least one, and possibly two, catches.

The diminutive wicket-keeper immediately looked at home on the Dulwich grounds, warming up with a bit of gentle weeding before disappearing into the bushes for half an hour with Chris Vagg. Pryor denied tabloid claims that he was up to no good, claiming that they'd merely been badger spotting with disgraced former minister Ron Davies. .

Meanwhile, on the pitch Jon 'Lucky' Lucas was in sparkling form, hitting a season's best 85 (3 sixes), ably assisted by Ian Miller (22), Chris Vagg (16), Ryan Polley (20) and Roger Gibbs (22), as Woods accumulated 213 for 8 declared off 48 overs. .

Southbank used a slow over-rate to contain Woods, managing 14.5 overs an hour, despite a recent league statement that 'In recent seasons, and this is no exception, there has been a growing concern at the slow over rates bowled in some league matches...Quite clearly this is unacceptable. The Executive Committee of the league wish it to be known that with immediate effect it will be closely monitoring slow over rates. Most of the top leagues nowadays, albeit with the help of independently appointed umpires, impose a minimum over rate of seventeen overs per hour in league matches. In our league matches, given a total playing time of 5 hours and 25 minutes (excluding tea) and allowing 20 overs in the last hour of play according to the laws of cricket, the minimum aggregate overs bowled in a match should be at least 96.' Only 89 overs were managed, but in fairness, Southbank's innings was unavoidably delayed when they were forced by obscure Dulwich bye-laws to employ the use of a hookah pipe during the drinks interval. .

After tea came Pryor's finest moment, as he was keen to inform everyone and anyone after the match. Indeed, it was surprising, given his momentous impact on the game, that he turned down the opportunity to write the match report, though he did use e-mail to remind the reporter: 'don't forget my two catches and two stumpings, (and bruised thumb).' It is not known how the bruised thumb was sustained, though Chris was grinning when they came out of the bushes. .

As Southbank began their reply, Pryor was unfortunate to drop an outside edge induced by Peter Aldous, but he was soon in on the action, snapping up Padia for 10 off Selby. Aldous, Vagg and Wortley got in on the action with wickets, but Manish was going well at the other end, racing to 50 at a run a ball, and it was up to our hairless hero to save the day. Manish left his ground for barely a minute as he advanced just half-way down the wicket; a lesser wicket-keeper might not have had time to remove the bails, but fortunately Pryor was on hand to claim the stumping. From then on it was plain sailing for Pryor as he accounted for two more batsmen (though he did put down another sharp chance off Wortley's googly), as Southbank crumbled from 101-2 to 110 for 7. Unfortunately, despite Pryor's best efforts (including a further drop off a no-ball) Woods were unable to pick up the last wicket and Southbank finished on 154-9. Woods claimed the winning draw, leaving them fifth in the League, a full place higher than the 2nd XI. .

The second X1 were dismissed for 180 (R.Kadir 6 for 46) against Wallington, who knocked off the runs for the loss of two wickets, Kadir making 93. The Third X1 could manage only 135 in reply to Streatham and Marlborough's 235 for 5 declared.

Woodmansterne managed only a losing draw against Westfield Saints when at one stage they appeared to be heading for a comfortable win. Once again Chris Vagg led the way with the bat but when he was out Westfield bowled tightly and stifled Woods' hopes.

Aldous and Selby opened the bowling for Woods but couldn't make the breakthrough as Price and Bartholemew started confidently. Selby finally struck with the score at 57 and this was quickly followed up when Wortley held a good catch off the bowling of Hicks to dismiss Price for 37.

Selby struck again when Vagg held a catch at slip to dismiss Newton for 4. Ward (69) and Thomas (48) now added 86 for the 4th wicket, until Walker held a good outfield catch off Selby to account for Thomas. Ward finally went to a great legside stumping by Pryor off Vagg, and Vagg also picked up the sixth wicket when he clean bowled the number seven. The returning Aldous proved too pacey for tailend batsmen and he picked up 3 wickets, all clean bowled. Westfield declared 9 down with their score on 228.

On a good wicket the target was never likely to prove impossible and Woods set off at a good rate. Ian Miller struck the ball very powerfully and cracked 32 off only 21 deliveries. Conway was unfortunate to be run out for 29 but then Vagg and Walker (36, in an anchor role), took command. The victory target seemed to be in sight but Vagg was well held at long off after scoring 86 off 87 balls. The incoming batsmen found it difficult to maintain the momentum and despite a few robust blows from Ryan Polley, Woods were left just one short of the winning draw target.

Woods secondX1 managed a winning draw against Shepperton (Woods 182 for 6 in reply to Shepperton's 209 for 8 declared) and the Third X1 (243 for 6 declared, Nic Patel 130, George Miller 57) won well against Ashtead (210, Ted Giles 6 for 67).